a sensitive spirit

I am a sensitive spirit. I feel things strongly. 

1sen·si·tive

adjective\ˈsen(t)-sə-tiv, ˈsen(t)s-təv\

: easily upset by the things that people think or say about you

: likely to cause people to become upset

: aware of and understanding the feelings of other people

:  receptive to sense impressionsb :  capable of being stimulated or excited by external agents (as light, gravity, or contact) <sensitive cells>

:  highly responsive or susceptible: as(1) :  easily hurt or damaged; especially :  easily hurt emotionally (2) :  delicately aware of the attitudes and feelings of othersb :  excessively or abnormally susceptible :  hypersensitive<sensitive to egg protein>c :  readily fluctuating in price or demand <sensitivecommodities>d :  capable of indicating minute differences :  delicate<sensitive scales>e :  readily affected or changed by various agents

 

If I read the dictionary definition of sensitive I may not think so highly of my gift. I may even see it as an affliction. I always knew I was sensitive, but for so much of my life I saw it as a weakness. My feelings were easily hurt and even broken. I struggled with feeling things so strongly. I cry when I am happy and sad.  Bus as life and experience often does, I have a new perspective on my sensitive spirit as a 37 year old woman who has struggled to find the balance in this gift. 

I am sensitive spirit. I see it as a gift. I love that I am sensitive and how it allows me to experience life with great awareness and compassion and empathy. I love that I find beauty in each sunset, that every day there is a new piece of art that is created in the sky above me before the day ends reminding me to appreciate each day as a gift. I find beauty in the forest floor, moss covered and crawling with plants and creatures, the way the light beams through the trees and falls on the forest. I find peace and wisdom in the tides of the ocean, how they rise and fall each day in balance and remind me to seek my own balance. I have always been in love with birds. I watch the sky and I am moved by a flock of birds flying in form with their wings spread wide and strong but graceful and beautiful. I love children and babies. I love their sweet innocent spirits, their freedom to express themselves without fear, their playfulness and the way they see the beauty in the smallest things, the way they experience joy on deep levels from playing ball or riding bikes or pretending. I love to be in love and be love and to see others in love. Yesterday, while stopped at a stoplight, I turned my head to see a couple in their 80's singing a song together as loud as they could, smiling, and yes, I wept, because it was so beautiful.  I am grateful that I am a sensitive spirit.  

There have been times in my life when being a sensitive spirit has felt the opposite of a gift. It has felt like a burden. But gratefully, what happens when you experience life is sometimes your perspective changes. I have a shield that I have been crafting for years. I call it my Warrior Shield. It is my connection to my native anscesters who were strong women that faced greater challenges than I will ever face. It is my strength that guards me against things in life that I shouldn't have to feel so strongly. The wisdom comes with knowing when to use the shield and when to let it down. This is a practice and I haven't mastered it but I practice. I would not choose to be any other way. I see my sensitive spirit as my beauty and my strength. It allows me to see the world through eyes that HOPE and LOVE and see the good in each person I meet. It allows me to be creative and to use my life to hopefully make the world a better place. It makes me a more patient and understanding mother and it is why I love so deeply. And I love that about me.

The world is full of suffering people and war and poverty and illness and fear and hate. When I think about it all I am overwhelmed with sadness and I want to change it all. And then I remember that the world is also filled with LOVE and goodness and hope and kindness. And in these moments I am so grateful that I am a sensitive spirit, because it takes heart and sensitivity and passion and hard work to bring CHANGE. 

Yesterday, Monet and I attended the Charleston Green Fair and met one person after another with sensitive hearts. I met hundreds of beautiful people who are using their lives to help bring great change to our wonderful city and to the world. Late into the evening last night I focused my attention on all the beautiful people who are using their lives to overcome great challenges, or trauma, or illness, or abuse or loss, and those who are using their lives to help others overcome great challenges. I thought of all you beautiful sensitive people who share my heart to use your gifts, to use your life, to make the world a better place. We are all given gifts as well as challenges and it is how we choose to use them that defines us. I am so grateful for the people who are using their gifts and talents to make the world a better place, whether you are an artist, a teacher, a marine biologist, an architect, a doctor, a engineer, a musician, a receptionist, a cashier, a waitress or a politician. Thanks you for using your powers for good!

 

Change is here. Change is in me and it is in you. 

Today I am grateful that I was born with a sensitive heart. I am grateful for my life's experiences that have given me eyes that see the world differently. Today I know that I am strong of heart and that my sensitivity is my strength.  

Gratefully, 

Sarah Poe

 

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